21 Fosters later...

DOGS that is! The KY Great Dane Rescue has had the privilege of saving the lives of 21 Great Danes from KY, OH and TN from the day we started in October 2011. Our family has personally fostered 1/3 of them.
Sometimes it gets very wild and busy. And sometimes the rescue takes over our time and takes time away from other things. I asked the kids this week if they want me to stop rescuing and they all shouted No! They said they love all of the fosters we have had and love helping the danes. They see it as their mission too which makes me so proud.
I hope that the emergency surgeries, dramatic rescues from shelter death-rows, healings, bonding and ultimately adoptions are giving them a big story to be a part of. I once heard Andy Stanley's talk about giving your kids big stories to be a part of because if we don't someone will. Someone someday will have a big, exciting, ungodly story they want my children to be in and I must have a better one to capture their imagination and make the other story look like what it is, a scam. Drugs, sex and partying will look really inviting if the home-story is lame.

So while I hate to see these emaciated, sick or injured Great Danes suffer, I am SO grateful my family can be a part of their story.

The "A" Word

Social workers are saying it. Lawyers are saying it. My husband is saying it. I'm still not comfortable using that word but "if the cool kids do it, why not me" right? Adoption. I'm actually more comfortable with the OTHER A word.
My thoughts on adopting Swagger and Tirion are still a little muddled right now. They want to be returned to their dad. They hope for it. They wait for it. I'm not ok with being the dagger to their dreams.
Consider this post a preview of a future post. I'll post more as the adoption part of our journey progresses.

"Name Your Child Likes to be Called" line

Tonight is open house! I LOVE elementary school open houses! Maybe because I'm way too involved with my kids' lives and this is the only chance I get to see all of their classmates and parents in one place to see who is influencing my child from 8am to 3pm every day. Open house is like crack to an addict for OCD parents. I truly despise all of the emergency cards I have to fill out though. Seriously! That's taking away my allotted time to tell these teachers how lucky they are to have a Harrison in their classes. Geesh.
Speaking of filling out security and info cards. My son from another mama, literally, wanted his new name on his card. The whole school calling him "confidence" by faith is A-Ok with me! You'll think I made this name up, but no, it was actually a name and could not have been more suited to my formerly shy, sullen, withdrawn 8 year old boy whose new name is...Swagger! Yes, Swagger. He loves it! So Swagger enters the 3rd grade this week with a whole world of possibilities that come with being confident and self-assured. He already has the compassion of Mother Teresa, the generosity of Rick Warren, and is in a gentleness class of his own. I'm believing God that Swagger's new confidence makes him a leader to inspire a trend of compassionate, generous and gentle elementary school students.

A couple of weeks ago. The big kids were at a summer camp. Karima was being picked on by a rude, obnoxious, little girl and it was Swagger who stepped in and told the girl to leave Karima alone and apologize. The world needs more kids like Swagger and Karima and Tirion.

Romans 4:17-18

The Message (MSG)

 ^17-18We call Abraham "father" not because he got God's attention by living like a saint, but because God made something out of Abraham when he was a nobody. Isn't that what we've always read in Scripture, God saying to Abraham, "I set you up as father of many peoples"? Abraham was first named "father" and then became a father because he dared to trust God to do what only God could do: raise the dead to life, with a word make something out of nothing. When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn't do but on what God said he would do. And so he was made father of a multitude of peoples. God himself said to him, "You're going to have a big family, Abraham!"

Ranaming Your Older Child

So renaming my older kids has been a little harder than I thought. They love the idea of a new name, unfortunately they have more opinions than a 2 year old. Renaming Rainey (age 7) has been a challenge of monumental proportions and, in fact, as I write this we have yet to agree on a single name. Not even one! If the name hasn't been in a Barbie movie, she doesn't want it. No wonder the hospital forced me to name her the first time before I was discharged, they must have known how opinionated she would be. I know what name she needs, however, I don't want to "exasperate my child" by calling her something that makes her angry or frustrated with me.
I'm having to get creative with my strategy for calling her by faith.When I speak about Rainey to my family or even to some of you I will call her both Asana (calm) and Karima (generous). But most importantly I'm praying out loud for her and talking to the Lord about His daughter Asana Karima. I hope she starts to like the name, but really it doesn't matter.

That's my strategy for now. Strategy's are made to be improved on though, so I'll update soon.

Please post if you are renaming your child. I would love to partner with you in this faith challenge.


Call those things which be not as though they were. Roman 4:17

Rename Your Child: part 2

Quay and Rainey are in Florida with D right now. I cant wait to tell them their new nicknames and why we are going to speak in faith to each other.

Abram was old, great grand-father old, and had never been a dad. He and his wife wanted kids more than anything. Of course she too was grannyish so their circumstances were the kind that didnt leave much room for hope. God made a promise to Abram that he would be a dad and changed his name to Abraham, which means father of many nations. Imagine being a childless person and everywhere you go, church, Wal-mart, the gym, people call you Father of a Football Team or Mother of Many. God gave Abram a name to remind him that the desire of his heart would come true. A name of faith, not circumstance.

I'm going to give D and the kids a chance to name me. I hope they take it easy on me.

Have you renamed your kids yet? I can't wait to hear what they are!

Rename Your Child

Picture me knocked down but getting back up. 2 posts back I laid out my plan to shape our kids' future by the words I spoke about them in faith. I epically failed in that task for our 2 year old. Her nickname around here has been Hot Sauce for months. She got the name one weekend when we were all camping and she just wouldn't be good for even a minute. I said, "your mom must have eaten a lot of hot sauce when she was pregnant with you" and the name just stuck. I actually described her to her attorney/guardian last week as the worst 2 year old we have ever met. No wonder things weren't improving! No wonder my patience and vision for her future were getting blurry at best! *insert slap on forehead here*
I am renaming her. What she needs most is gentleness and kindness. I Googled names that mean gentle and kind. As of last night, her new nick name is Tirion! Yes, I know, not the cutest name ever, but at this point cute is entirely irrelevant. Tirion means kind and gentle. Perfect!
And before you start sending me Facebook private messages about how I can't change a child's name, she is still called (can't tell you, against foster care rules) her real name most often. Parents call their kids goofy nicknames like Honey, Ladybug, Pooh Bear, Sissy and Rainey's nickname Rainbow, that don't mean anything significant at all. I'm not knocking that. I very affectionately call Quay "Q" and "Quayzar."  I'm only saying why not make the names we call our children more... intentional?
I see you snearing your nose. Am I really suggesting we create new names for our kids in order to call them the thing that their personality is missing? YES! Get radical about claiming your kids' future, habits and character. And you may even get stuck with a really weird name. So what! Maybe a celebrity will use it next.

Jesus gave Simon a new name to reflect what he could become, not what what he currently was. Jesus changed Simon's name to Peter which means "rock" and he was ANYTHING BUT a rock. Simon was an impulsive, unpredictable, wishy-washy, loose canon. He cut a man's ear off. He fearlessly climbed out of a boat and walked toward Jesus on the water...until he became full of fear and started to sink. He was hot then cold. Brave then wimpy. This way, then that way. God gave him a name to grow into.

As silly as it may sound I'm so excited to tell you that after calling her Tirion for about an hour, she hit me in Wal-mart and then immediately said sorry and offered me a hug. That's huge! Power in my words huge! God gave us tools to use to access his power. #1, the Bible. #2, the Holy Spirit, #3 our words. What are you speaking out loud over your children? Words of faith or words of circumstance?

Matthew 17:20 “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” "SAY" to this mountain. Not think. Not pray. SAY.

I like this site best for searching by meaning http://www.thinkbabynames.com/

Maybe, just maybe, they ARE listening

Just when you think your kids don't ever hear you, you'll find out some chunk of wisdom did actually land in their busy minds.
Q and I were watching America's Got Talent, our favorite show when its G-rated. A middle-aged man performs a song on a flute he made out of a broom and a horn he made out of a dust pan. Q says, "thats creative. He must have parents like you." I asked him why he thought that. I was wondering if he thinks Im THAT old. Q said, "he is really creative and you're always telling me to be creative."
I took that as a compliment. He knows I expect him to stretch his brain and try wild ideas. Aside from serving Jesus his whole life, I couldn't ask for more. He DOES listen to me. If he wants to drill into my household appliances to create new means of transportation, its alright by me.

Don't Read This If You're Afraid of Power

I have power over what my kids are today AND over what they become. I have power to change their flaws and power to bring them victories. Because "death and life are in the power of the tongue." (Proverbs 18:21) Call me crazy, but I believe that.

When my 8 year old foster son had a melt down during some math homework recently he told me how dumb he was and that he couldn't do this task that was required of him. I was astonished that he thinks so negatively about himself.

He was crying on my lap by this time and I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to start speaking over him everything good that has likely never been said about him before. Things that nurturing parents, like you and I, say out loud to friends and family about our children regularly since birth. Things like, "my boy is so smart. He was potty trained before he was 6 months old and I swear he played an original composition on my uterus the week before he was born." And, "my daughter is so creative, she's designing clothes for her dolls in her journal I got her to record all of her brilliant thoughts because her imagination is so much more advanced than other 5 year olds, I'll bet Kindergarten just skips her right on to 2nd grade!" You know what I mean, gabbing on the phone with our girlfriends and trying to one-up their kid's accomplishments.

Have you ever thought that even the casual things you say about your kids have power? Power.

I sat there on the floor of his room and said, * is brilliant, * is kind, * is focused, * is joyful, * is healthy, * is amazing, * loves Jesus, * is bold, * is talented, * is victorious, * is mighty, * is creative. I believe, that by faith and the power in our spoken words our kids are and will become what we say they are.

It is often easier to describe Rainey as my challenge or as a drama queen, but those are not things that God wants her to be. Changing my habits and watching every word I speak over them is a recent goal I have set for myself. I believe in the results. Watch out world! My 4 kids are...

BOLD
HONEST
TALENTED
CREATIVE
KIND
PATIENT
GENEROUS
INTELLIGENT
HEALTHY
HARD WORKING
SUCCESSFUL
WISE
PEACEFUL
GENTLE
ENCOURAGING
CONFIDENT
FOLLOWERS OF JESUS

because I SAY THEY ARE! And my words have power.

Cute little bundle of anger

Well, my little cutie stopped cussing. That's been nice. Unfortunately her other bad habit has gotten worse. The very first time I held her, she smacked me twice across my face. I probably should have put my gloves and helmet on right then, but I thought, "nah, she's just been taken away from her family. She'll get over it." She didn't. Our family looks like we have been attacked by cats. Boo, our 2 year old foster daughter, not only hits, but scratches any arm that gets too close to her.
I have to say that at this point I am completely burned out, unamused, and no longer see the humor of her attacks on us. In fact, this past week I got very down because there has been zero improvement in this area.  She hits and scratches more than 20 times a day! Spankings are against the law. Time out can't contain her. A time-out cage is out of the question and if you just say "no" she says "shut up." I'm out of options and I'm very frustrated!
But I remembered something important that got me back on my game. Rainey, my birth daughter who is now 7, used to be a biter. She gets a kick out of it when we tell stories of how she bit her doctor and bit her friends in day care. She calls herself the biting baby. When she was biting people I was so embarrassed and frustrated, granted I could spank her so she grew out of it more quickly than Boo, that a child of mine had this horrible habit. She doesn't bite her 1st grade teacher. She doesn't bite her family. In fact, she hasn't bitten anyone since she was 2. The stories are funny now and we definitely survived her attacks.
We will survive Boo's attacks, probably with some scarring, but survive none-the-less.

Someday we will look back and laugh about going out to dinner and seating Boo 2 feet away from us so we wouldn't get injured. And looking at mosquito netting to put around her car seat so she couldn't scratch the kid next to her. It will be funny one day.
-This too shall pass. -Tomorrow is a brand new day. -The sun will come out tomorrow. -Latti da da da

Lord, give me patience with this super-cute, angry, blue-eyed, monster today.

NOT a cause

Let me be clear. Fostering young humans who have experienced hell from supposed loved-ones is not a cause. I started this blog before I realized this fact. Fostering is a commitment of monumental proportions that will wrench your heart out, give you unspeakable joy and is nothing we can do in our own ability.
I can't foster. I can't even parent my birth children sufficiently without God's help. We trust Him to do what we can't do in our own ability. I'm already praying for grace for the day these babies leave our home.

Fostering and adopting is NOT a cause. It is as involved as entering the mission field.

Big things always happen on Mondays

"No, we don't have the space to take 7 kids." "No, sorry. 3 kids under 3 would just be too much for us to handle right now." "Is he older than Quay? Ok, sorry we know what is best for our family and we can't take a child older than Quay." "4 kids? Let me see if I can make space. Sorry, we just can't meet that need."
"8 year old boy and 2 year old sister? OK, lets go for it."
I am so energized on Mondays by having new opportunities and a whole new week to accomplish things, I guess I felt strong last Monday, when the social worker called. So we have 2 new family members, I'll call JuJu and Boo. They are not our first foster children, but they are the first I have decided to write about. They are the first who allow me time to be able to write about them.
JuJu is 8 and a sort of complex boy. He is trying to find his place here. He has never experienced family quite so involved as we are. Conversation doesn't come easily to him. If you meet him, try not to ask him questions. Even simple questions, like "are you thirsty?" make him nervous. One on one, he comes alive and gets bouncy. With more than 1 or 2 people, he doesn't know what is expected of him. We are excited to help him, um find some joy in something.
Boo already has us wrapped around her little finger. I am a self-proclaimed "bad baby mom." I don't have whatever it is that makes women see a baby and just want to hold it. Babies aren't fun until they can talk and drive the jetskis. But I'm enjoying this baby. She doesn't do the annoying baby things that drive me crazy. She never cries and is just the sweetest, most lovable, squeezable, little angel with a potty mouth I have ever met. Her favorite thing to say is "awwsh*t". Yep, that's what I said. she says "awwsh*t" no less than 20 times a day. The 3 big kids are helping me retrain her to say "oops" instead. Come to our house and I promise you'll hear a precious angel-face baby say "awwsh*t" and 3 bigger angels yell "OOPS!"
10 days in, they call us mom and dad.

Aww fostering. Its a blast.

Fire Starter

And let the analogies roll...

Fire Starters don't wear their warning labels for everyone can see. In fact, Fire Starters usually sweep onto the scene as heroes first. They are the impetuous ones who jump in where they are needed so typically you'll find that one saved the day by filling an empty volunteer spot at just the right time or can carry a little more load than others.

Fire Starters attract other fire starters. In fact, they have a club. I'm sure of it. They have tv shows too. The Real Housewives of Wherever-ville. Fire Starters have other names: Drama Queen, Mouth of the South, Troublemaker. 

At first the fires are small. A snappy word you have no problem forgiving or unwelcome advice about how to deal with another person. When did you notice the fires were bigger and more frequent and you needed more than a big boot to put them out? Oh the drama! Why is drama so appealing to some people? If you have the answer to that one, I'd like to follow your blog.

A program I invest a lot of my time and creativity into, has really been attacked this week. My first thought was, what did I do wrong? Are these issues the result of bad decisions, poor planning, or did something I said get misunderstood? While all of those things can cause problems in a great program, sometimes it has been infiltrated by a Fire Starter. Every leader has experienced this. And every leader has had the gut wrenching decision of what to do with that person. Put on your smoke mask, make nice and keep the hole filled? Banish the Fire Starter to another ministry and cover up the warning label with a name badge? Or remove her from the program and trust God to fill the empty position with a dark and handsome Firefighter, oops! Analogies really got away with me.

Allowing a Fire Starter to remain is a stain on your whole program. James 3:6 says: And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life,^[a] and set on fire by hell. 

Rescue your program by kicking out the Fire Starters. God says we don't even have to do it kindly. That's a joke. Kindness goes a long way toward putting out fires. What God really said was that He delights in kindness, "I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” Jeremiah 9:24.

So when you blast your Fire Starters, delight God at the same time.

Gumby

My roots are showing a strange color I haven't seen since middle school. I have what I call a "laundry couch" because it has never NOT had laundry on it waiting to be folded. Don't pre-judge, I do put make-up on...sometimes. Thanks to the Crock Pot, my kids get a home cooked meal 4 nights a week. Rainey will be skipping cheer practice tonight, because she just needs a bath and we won't be home the rest of the week. I have decided that none of this bothers me. I decided that this morning on the way to the office, actually.

Typically, I stress over my inability to make all of my ducks line up and quack in perfect harmonious unison. It has been a LONG time since all of my ducks have even shown up for roll call. Driving my "bus" in this morning, I was a little embarrassed over my naked face this morning and wished I put the effort in that I did 10 years ago. When I stop to compare the group of women who have it all together, clean houses, perfectly groomed face, hair, kids, etc and the group of women who stretch themselves to the brink of collapsing every day with foster kids, Dane rescue, ministry, teaching, I clearly see the group I want to be associated with. My brownish roots are battle scars of an intense life.

I Tweeted this last week, "I hope I stretch myself and my talents so far that I look like Gumby when I finally slow down long enough to be stuffed in a coffin."